


Special Ed Kids Don't Get Left Behind

by mckays_girl



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Adult Themes, Crack, First Time, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-21
Updated: 2007-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-27 08:38:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9986873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mckays_girl/pseuds/mckays_girl
Summary: John acts like a 14 year old girl, Rodney is clueless and Katie's just plain stupid.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my beta girly_curl_3. Title and story inspired by a conversation with eleveninches and eternallycait. Very vague spoilers for Sunday.

John frowned at his powdered eggs while studiously avoiding looking across the mess hall at Rodney having breakfast with Katie Brown. He cringed at the shrill resonance of her laughter as she cackled at one of Rodney's horrible jokes.  
  
_She sounds like a hyena_ , John thought bitterly, furrowing his eyebrows and shoveling the rest of his breakfast into his mouth. He guzzled down the rest of his cranberry juice (he had stopped drinking orange juice when he realized he had a *thing* for the ornery scientist). Chancing a glance up, he watched the display – the pair were leaning hunched together, whispering furtively back and forth. Disgusted, John rose from his chair and cleared his tray.  
  
_Rodney's way too good for her_ , he brooded. He didn't understand what his friend saw in Katie. Sure, she was pretty, but nothing special. She worked with plants, for god's sake. Plants! It was nowhere near as exciting as the projects Rodney worked on. What could they possibly have to talk about?  
  
John decided it was time to take measures into his own hands. He wasn't going to stand idly by and let McKay give it up to some hussy botanist, while he waited for Rodney to notice his interest. John was going to win Rodney's affections the old fashioned way – by making himself look like the more appealing candidate and making Katie look stupid – which wouldn't be all that difficult.  
  
Strolling over to their table, John put on his best 'look how relaxed and casual I am' grin. "Hey kids," he drawled. "Doing anything exciting on your day off?"  
  
"As a matter of fact we are," Rodney replied smugly. "I was just telling Katie that the west pier would be a lovely spot for an evening picnic."  
  
Katie blushed and giggled.  
  
John struggled not to roll his eyes. "Cool," he said with exaggerated enthusiasm. "I love picnics. I think that would be a great idea. When are we going?"  
  
"Well, I, um," Rodney stammered. "We, uh . . . we were kind of planning to go alone."  
  
"Oh." John gave Rodney his best 'you've just kicked a puppy' pout. "I understand. I'll just spend the night, alone in my room, reading War and Peace. You guys have a good time." He hoped he was radiating pathetic and forlorn.  
  
John sighed and let his shoulders slump as he plodded away. He was almost to the transporter, when he heard someone jog up behind him.  
  
"Wait," Rodney called out, grabbing his sleeve.  
  
A wicked smile graced John's features for a moment before he turned around, schooling his expression. "What, Rodney?"  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd be alone tonight. I'd love for you to join us."  
  
John fought the urge to grin madly and bounce on his heels. "Sure, Rodney. That'd be great."  
  
"Meet us at 1800."  
  
***  
  
The night was warm as the three of them sat on the large blanket while Rodney unpacked the food. There were soda and sandwiches and the last of the chocolate chip cookies scrounged from the mess.  
  
John was starving, so he ripped off the plastic wrap and bit into a sandwich. "Mmm, turkey. My favorite," he hummed around a mouthful.  
  
Rodney smiled at him, looking pleased with himself. "I know."  
  
John returned the smile, and then caught the pinched look on Katie's face. She was staring at Rodney expectantly, after peeking into the picnic basket.  
  
"Rod-ney," she whined. "I'm a vegetarian. I don't eat turkey."  
  
"What?" The look of confusion of Rodney's face almost caused John to choke as he suppressed his laughter. "Oh, um. I brought these pear-like things that we traded for on PX2-743," Rodney offered, hopeful.  
  
"Fine," Katie grumbled, grabbing the fruit from his hand.  
  
After dinner they gazed at the stars, Katie's head resting on Rodney's thigh as he absently stroked her hair. John felt a renewed surge of jealousy, wishing he was in her place.  
  
"Aren't they spectacular?" Rodney murmured, eyes transfixed on the sky.  
  
"We can always take a closer look with a 'jumper," John suggested. "I'll even let you fly."  
  
"Really?" Rodney asked excitedly.  
  
Katie sat up abruptly, startled by Rodney's jostling as he stood. "What's going on?" she asked, blearily. She must have fallen asleep in Rodney's lap because her red hair was plastered to the side of her head and she had lines on her face from the creases in Rodney's pants.  
  
"We're going for a ride in the 'jumper," Rodney informed her. "To look at stars," he added, his grin wide and eager.  
  
"I don't think that's such a good idea," Katie protested.  
  
"Why not?" Rodney's face fell.  
  
"I'm a little afraid and I kinda get motion sickness."  
  
"You can always wait here," John suggested.  
  
Katie pouted.  
  
Rodney brushed off her concerns. "You traveled three million light years from Earth in a wormhole. You'll be fine in a 'jumper." He grabbed her wrist and dragged her along to the 'jumper bay.  
  
John followed close behind, secretly hoping she tossed her cookies on the puddlejumper floor. Hey, he didn't have to clean it up.  
  
***  
  
Rodney was happily settled in the pilot's seat as they left through the roof of the 'jumper bay. John took the co-pilot's chair, leaving Katie to sit behind them as she prattled on about plants and the ecosystem and why they should recycle. John ignored her, instead focusing on the way Rodney's broad hands seized the controls.  
  
"Ease up, Rodney," John said, standing to move behind him. "Here, like this," he breathed low and intimate into Rodney's ear, leaning over to place his hands over Rodney's and adjust his grip.  
  
Rodney's breath hitched and he looked flushed. "I, um, I think I got it now."  
  
John watched with satisfaction as Rodney swallowed hard, Adam's apple bobbing. He let his hands linger for a moment before returning to his seat.  
  
Oblivious to their interaction, Katie didn't stop talking the entire trip and it was beginning to get on John's nerves. On Rodney's too, if the looks they'd been sharing were any indication. John rolled his eyes as she gave the intricate details of the babysitting schedule she'd created to watch over the plants.  
  
John snickered and smirked at Rodney.  
  
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of," Rodney snapped, causing Katie to ( _finally_ , John thought) fall silent. They both glanced over their shoulders and saw the stricken look on her face. "That is, I mean," Rodney backpedaled. He shot John a narrow-eyed glare.  
  
John just shrugged.  
  
The return trip was blissfully quiet. As they landed, John frantically thought of a way to keep Rodney from being alone with Katie. "Hey. You guys wanna watch a movie in the rec room? I hear the Daedalus brought a bunch of new stuff. Or we can play Xbox."  
  
"Sounds like a plan," Rodney agreed, stretching his arms over his head as they left the 'jumper.  
  
John took a quick peek at Katie. She looked defeated, trudging along behind them, and for a moment John felt guilty. The feeling quickly dissipated when he saw Rodney smile.  
  
***  
  
They spent the next two hours playing video games, talking about comic books and eating the bag of chips Rodney scored off a scientist in a chess game. Neither man noticed when Katie quietly slipped from the room.  
  
It was getting late and John had to be at an early meeting, so he reluctantly put down his controller. "I think we should probably call it a night." He felt his chest tighten when Rodney looked disappointed.  
  
Rodney glanced at his watch and nodded. "Yeah, I guess so," he agreed.  
  
After they straightened up the room, Rodney walked John to his quarters, silence stretching between them. They arrived at John's door and he turned to face Rodney. "I had a really great time tonight," he finally said.  
  
"Yeah, me too." They stared at each other awkwardly for a few moments until Rodney hooked a thumb in the direction of his room. "I should . . ."  
  
"Yeah," John said.  
  
***  
  
Rodney plopped into his seat across from John, frown tugging at his lips as he stabbed at the pancakes he'd grabbed for breakfast. He sighed dramatically, avoiding John's curious stare.  
  
"What's wrong now?" John asked, after what he thought was a long interval, for Rodney to resume speaking.  
  
"It's Katie," he began.  
  
John's heart skipped a beat.  
  
"She . . . she said she doesn't like the way I act when I hang out with you. She said I'm . . . childish."  
  
John gritted his teeth to refrain from commenting, instead waiting for Rodney to explain further.  
  
"Anyway," he continued, looking at the table, hands motionless. "She wants to spend a lot more time with me, time that doesn't include you."  
  
_Bitch_ , John wanted to yell. Instead, he folded his hands on the table. "I see," he replied coolly, back rigid. "So, what exactly does that mean?"  
  
"It means we probably won't be seeing much of each other while off-duty, unless Katie's working, of course." Rodney finally looked up, his blue eyes filled with remorse.  
  
"So, I take it we're not watching Season 2 of Dr. Who tonight," John guessed.  
  
"You have Season 2?" Rodney asked, perking up, and then visibly deflating. "No, I guess we can't." He sighed dejectedly. "This sucks."  
  
"Yes, yes it does," John agreed, but he was already formulating a plan.  
  
***  
  
John pretended to be looking for Major Lorne when he entered the botany lab. Katie was taking soil samples when he stopped by her lab table. "Whatcha working on?" he asked, feigning curiosity, while trying to maintain his sense of calm after talking to Rodney earlier.  
  
She smiled at him brightly, obviously unaware that Rodney had revealed her stipulations. "Oh, this is my latest project. I'm trying to prove that plants in the Pegasus galaxy react the same way to the human voice as Earth plants do." Katie looked pleased with herself, like she was solving the mysteries of the universe.  
  
John crossed his arms over his chest, hands tucked into his armpits and eyed her skeptically. "So," he drawled, leaning his hip on the lab table, "how exactly does this help in the fight against the Wraith?"  
  
Katie stared at him, dumbfounded. "It doesn't," she replied meekly. "But, it does help us to understand the similarities between both universes," she continued with more enthusiasm. "I mean, think about it Colonel, we're millions of light years from home, yet there . . ."  
  
_Blah, blah, blah, blah_. John tuned out her ramblings, but nodded at the appropriate intervals to make it seem like he was actually listening. "Well, this is fascinating and all, Dr. Brown," he interrupted eventually, "but I really need to get back to work."  
  
"I apologize for taking up so much of your time, Colonel. Before you go, would you be able to help move these plants to the greenhouse down the hall?" Katie asked. "It's not in use, so it'll be the perfect place to run my experiment - no one there to contaminate the results."  
  
_Bingo!_ "Sure." John began loading the plants onto two carts. "It would be my pleasure." He was glad she didn't notice the sarcasm dripping sweetly from his lips.  
  
***  
  
That night, while Rodney spent his time with Katie, John slipped undetected into the greenhouse to yell at Katie's plants. He also might have *accidentally* spilled his cup of coffee on them.  
  
***  
  
John sighed in frustration as he finished another page of War and Peace – he was way ahead of schedule. After two weeks of insulting Katie's plants while getting them addicted to caffeine, not one of them had died. Katie hadn't once worked late and John had only seen Rodney at breakfast and briefings.  
  
"This is ridiculous," he said aloud, slamming the book shut and climbing off the bed. He brewed an incredibly strong thermos of coffee and after carefully checking the halls he left his room, silently making his way to the greenhouse to pour the sludgy liquid into each pot.  
  
***  
  
Fridays were waffle day. John happily poured syrup onto his stack before handing the bottle to Rodney. They ate breakfast in companionable silence until Rodney's radio chirped.  
  
"McKay here."  
  
John couldn't hear the conversation, so he waited for Rodney to finish, noting the disappointed look on his face.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so. I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"What's up?" John asked.  
  
"Katie's plants from the experiment she was working on died last night."  
  
"Oh." John raised an eyebrow and forced himself not to smile.  
  
"She had to cancel our plans for tonight."  
  
"You could always hang out with me," John offered.  
  
Rodney's face lit up. "Still got those Dr. Who DVDs?"  
  
John nodded emphatically. "Meet me here for dinner and we'll watch them after."  
  
***  
  
They watched the first three episodes, sitting side by side on John's narrow bed. Before starting the next episode Rodney turned to him, bumping their knees together. "I've missed this," he said wistfully.  
  
"You never had to give it up," John countered.  
  
"What do you want me to do?" Rodney snapped.  
  
"You could always break up with her," John supplied calmly, suddenly feeling brave.  
  
Rodney snorted. "And give up the chance to eventually get laid?"  
  
John stared at him incredulously. "You mean to tell me that you guys have been dating for two months and she hasn't put out?"  
  
"Not even a blowjob," he insisted solemnly.  
  
John considered this information for a moment before meeting Rodney's gaze. "Hell, _I_ could give you a blowjob," he propositioned.  
  
Rodney's eyes practically popped out of his head. "You . . . me . . . I," he sputtered.  
  
John leaned in and kissed him lewdly before snaking down the bed to kneel between Rodney's legs. Rodney was panting harshly as John deftly unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. He watched every move John made as he palmed Rodney's half hard cock through his boxers.  
  
"Oh god," Rodney whimpered.  
  
John nudged him until Rodney took the hint and lifted his hips so that John could strip him of pants and boxers. He was thankful that Rodney had removed his shoes and socks before settling in to watch DVDs; it made getting naked much easier.  
  
Rodney moaned when John nuzzled the hair at the crease of his thigh. John inhaled deeply, enjoying the musky scent, and licked his lips, wetting them thoroughly before kissing up the length of Rodney's erection.  
  
"John," he breathed at the first lick to the head. "Oh god, that's good."  
  
John wrapped his hand around the base as he took Rodney into his mouth, alternating between licking and sucking. He pumped his fist slowly, letting the pleasure build gradually. Each time his lips slid down the shaft, he engulfed more of Rodney's cock, until his hand barely had room to move.  
  
"Fuck. God, John," Rodney swore, fisting the sheets. "John, John, I'm gonna come," he warned.  
  
Determined to give Rodney the most amazing blowjob ever, John removed his hand and devoured as much as he could, swallowing around Rodney's dick until he pulsed, warm and bitter, down John's throat. He sucked the tip lightly until Rodney's spasms subsided and then pulled off with an audible pop. Rodney's eyes were squeezed shut and his face was flushed red. He looked utterly debauched and John was thrilled to be the one to do that to him.  
  
"That was amazing," Rodney sighed, opening his eyes to focus on John.  
  
"I've been wanting to do that forever," he confessed, crawling up the bed to press alongside Rodney.  
  
"Really?" Rodney looked shocked, his jaw hanging open and his eyes wide.  
  
"Yes, really," John replied, breathless as he ground against Rodney's hip, the friction delicious despite the layers of fabric.  
  
"I can help you with that." Rodney gestured to John's erection, straining inside his pants.  
  
"Yeah," John whimpered, hastily shucking his clothes and grasping his dick.  
  
Rodney batted his hands away. "Here, let me do it," he whispered huskily in John's ear. "I want to do it."  
  
John groaned and flopped backwards onto the pillow, letting the sensation of Rodney's hand on his cock bring him closer and closer to the edge. The grip tightened and a twist was added, Rodney's thumb sweeping across the head. John came, sharp and sweet, the pleasure rolling through him as aftershocks wracked his body.  
  
***  
  
They awoke the next morning wrapped around each other, naked and sticky.  
  
"So," John said awkwardly.  
  
"So," Rodney echoed.  
  
"See you at breakfast." John smiled goofily and kissed Rodney before heading into the shower.  
  
***  
  
When John arrived in the mess hall, Rodney was already there, flanked on either side by Ronon and Teyla, as if being guarded. Katie was on the other side of the room, surrounded by female Marines and scientists, all offering comfort.  
  
After filling up his tray, John slid into the seat across from his teammates. Tension hung heavy in the room. "What's going on?" he asked, distinctly feeling like everyone was staring at him.  
  
"I broke up with Katie this morning."  
  
"What'd you tell her?"  
  
"I told her that you put out on the first date," Rodney answered with a smug smirk.  
  
John choked on his coffee until Ronon got up and helpfully smacked him on the back. "You what?" he squeaked.  
  
"Well, I had to tell her **something** ," Rodney hissed defensively. "And you know I suck at lying."  
  
John swore he heard Teyla stifle a snort. He pressed his hands to his forehead. "Please tell me you're joking."  
  
"Slut," Cadman coughed as she walked by their table.  
  
John's hands fell away from his face and his head hit the table with a loud *thunk*. He banged his head on the table a few more times for good measure.  
  
The End

  
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.wraithbait.com/viewstory.php?sid=10987>  



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